The First Exposure: Adios Alter-Ego
People are fascinated when they find out I am a Professional Domme. And why wouldn’t they be? Even the non-kinky folks know what a dominatrix is and that she dresses to kill and is willing to deliver! Not to mention the underlying current of a sexually assertive woman, so salacious. The title alone reads as secret, sexy, and subversive. Everyone wants to know more...
So I’ve been both very encouraged and very hesitant to start this blog. Which is what this first entry is going to be about. See what I did there, took the thing that I was using as a deflector shield and threw it into the limelight? So let’s dig into these emotions of desire and worry (fear).
The encouragement comes in many forms, but mostly everyone wants to hear something from me; tidbits of my real life for adoring subs, stories from my sessions for the looky-loos, more of my erotica for a cross section of both. I also have strong views on sex work, kink and several other topics that intersect with these and a desire to keep learning more, exploring and sharing. I’ve even had a suggestion to do book reviews, kinky books naturally. So there’s a lot of encouragement feeding into my own desire to find a way to connect more deeply with those who support me, to begin building a community instead of solely offering a commodity.
But I have been holding back, hesitating because of some valid worries. The greatest of which is that I suspect there will be a conflict in maintaining my top boss bitch Domme uber-image and sharing real thoughts feelings and emotions. This was an easy worry to put to rest because I am not actually that invested in that false image, I think there is much more meaningful and powerful connections to be had in honest interactions. And the truth is a part of me is a playful, sadistic, authoritative woman who utterly delights in being allowed to play with the minds and bodies of those who submit to me. But what about when I want to write about the real gritty bits of life? The clogged drains and rent and eternal struggle to cook like an adult. The frustrations I have with not being very good at doing my hair and makeup. The fact that I have Joe job, gasp! The illusions about being a Pro Domme will fall quickly with those stories... but I think I want them to fall so first hesitation laid to rest: check!
In my first year as a Pro Domme (omg a year already!) Lady Indigo has been an alter ego; a separate entity that I get to embody on the occasions that I have a session with someone or a scene with one of my friends. Her voice comes out in my email exchanges and social media. Hesitation number two is that I have to write like Lady Indigo, not like me. I think there’s some residual cultural upbringing that says I can’t be both a multifaceted and real human being and be successful as a sex worker. The script is sex sells, but then you have to commit to being the image of what is desirable; you have to double down to only being this embodiment of allure. Obvious tie ins to hesitation number one, and a similar overcoming of this particular resistance in the fact that I don’t want to be a one dimensional icon. So good riddance hesitation number two.
Number three I am still wrestling with and may not be a worry I can let go of for a while. It’s the BIG SECRET IDENTITY problem, once you have one you then become committed to keeping it secret. There are some very good reasons for a sex worker to have a layer of protection between what they do for work and the rest of their lives (yes what I do is sex work despite the fact that I keep my clothes on). A huge part of which is the fact that being outed usually has a major negative impact on one’s ability to find other work. Society is prone to the kinds of knee jerk reaction that result in the exposed sex worker being punished. Which I want to change. My face photos as Lady Indigo already expose me to a degree of risk, one I have gauged as reasonable while I join the conversations that seek to de-stigmatize kink, sex work and choosing to participate in either activity. As progress on this front happens and as I feel more comfortable with being able to fully support myself through my domme work I hope to be able to more fully connect my public and private personas.
The encouragements have the winning score!! And so a blog is born. So now let me ask you, dear reader: what are you most interested in seeing in these ‘pages’?