Search
  • Lady Indigo

How to talk to a Domme...so that she will want to reply


note:I am firmly of the belief that every human is different and unique so the emphasis in the title is on the “a”. As in a particular Domme, as in me.


Surprisingly, I get asked this a fair amount. It seems that my willingness to engage in conversation and my efforts to be a safe, accessible person for those who may be new to kink is working! But it’s time to put my thoughts on the subject into one place. If you want to communicate with me and make me excited to reply to your messages employ the following:

Sincerity is “the quality of being free from pretense, deceit, or hypocrisy.” This means speaking truthfully of where you are at and why you are reaching out to me. If you are curious and think I might be able to address some questions be up front about that. If you have a particular kink mention it. If you have worries or reservations, bring them up. I reward the bravery of honesty.

Humanity… guess what? I am human too! And treating me like I am a real person not a kink dispensing machine will warm me up to you right away. I see everyone I spend time with as complex, fascinating individuals, with many layers beyond their kinks; return the favour. I view the energy exchange of kink as a collaboration between those involved, it’s so much richer and more rewarding to be real together and allow this interplay to come through.

Letter vs. Text; there is no competition. When you are getting in touch with me letter style writing will always win, hands down. Texts are short, immediate and useful in some situations like announcing your arrival or a brief check in. I do use them in my personal life, but if you want to talk kink with me letters have much more depth to them! So how do I define a letter (yes I have actually been asked this). When you write someone a letter you include more than one sentence. You usually include more than one thought. Typically there is an opening and closing salutation with paragraphs between. It creates more of a sensation of considered dialogue then blurts of statements like text and that is precisely what I most delight in; dialogue, exchange, transference.

Throw in some vocabulary and hot damn...You’ve got my attention!

Capitalization is a surprisingly contentious topic in the kink community and among Pro Dommes in particular. The convention holds that submissives don’t capitalize their names or the letter “I” when used in reference to said submissive. Dominants get the usual capital for proper nouns, “I” and sometimes bonus capitals. Ex: “Greetings my Divine Goddess, i await prostrate for Your pleasure this evening. i hope my misdeeds of the week will be punished under Your fierce lash, so that after i may again bask in the warmth of Your approval. Your penitent pet, submissive sally slutsalot.” In conversation with me, please use proper capitalization unless otherwise discussed. If you find particular pleasure in referring to yourself with the above mentioned conventions please ask first! I find it particularly irksome when the person using this mode of communication is not someone I am in a negotiated power dynamic relationship with.

Grammer. I’m not actually militant about this, I recognize that there are various levels of skill and comfort in this arena. The occasional slip will not be pounced upon mercilessly (unless we’ve negotiated for that!) However it pisses me off to no end when you value our exchange so little that you don’t re-read what you’ve written to polish it to the best of your ability.


So many rules (guidelines) but all of these should be underscored at all times by mutual respect. Yes it goes both ways; I put more energy into connections where both parties are able to see and value the other person. I want to spend time with people because I celebrate exactly who they are- kinks, warts and wonderfulness all bundled up together.

81 views